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Story The Story of Demons

Discussion in 'Literature' started by jacobkolstad, Mar 18, 2014.

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  1. jacobkolstad

    jacobkolstad Well-Known Member

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    "Something had allways been wrong with him. He was never seen playing along with the other at the kindergarden or early school. He never talked to anyone. He never bullied. Everything he did was to stand in a corner. In seventh grade I sat behind him in the classroom. He had 67 out of 67 correct answers. He is clearly not dumb. But something is different with him. I tried talking with him once. He just walked away. I am going to find out what's the matter with him. He is pretty cute, too bad he does not seem to socialice, ever. I like his pitch black hair too. It makes him mysterious. I tried to talk with him yet again today. He answered "Why are you bothering me?" with a really deep voice. A few days later I once again I tried to talk with him. He said "Stop bothering me. It's for your own safety." I wonder what he meant? I tried to follow him when he walked home. He entered a old storage building?" Alice wrote in her diary. "Should I follow him into the storage building?" She asked her friend, who sat next to her. "Do it, he probably tries to hide something!" She answered. "Okay, I'll do it tomorrow."

    And the following day that changed her life. Forever.

    Alice and her friend, Emily, followed the mysterious boy they not even knew what his name was, into the old storage building Alice had seen him enter. "Are you sure it is here?" Emily asked. "Yes." Alice replied. They walked around the building and found a back door. "It's unlocked!" Alice said, suprised. "Let's go!" Alice continued. Inside the door, it was a rotten wood stair leading up. They walked up. Once at the top they saw the whole storage building below them. Huge mountains of stacked wooden boxes made up walls. In the center was a table, and people were sitting on chairs around it. "Let's hear what they say!" Alice said. "I don't want to stay here.." Emily replied. "Come on, are you scared?" Alice asked. "No of course not. I said it in case you were scared." Emily replied. "Yeah of course." "We gotta act NOW!" A voice below said. "They are NOT going to wait for us to set up a defense. THEY CAN BE HERE AT ANY POINT!" Then their heard a hand slamming in the table. Alice and Emily saw down. It was the mysterious boy who had talked. "Relax. They can't reach us here. They will never find us in this forsaken villag-" The old man who talked was interrupted by something slamming up the main door. "ROOKIE! GET OUT!" Another of the men inside shouted. "Everyone, battle positions!" Something came in from the main door. "What the hell is that?" Emily asked. "I don't know." Alice replied. The men picked up some weird swords who had been laying on the floor. One of the things that came in smacked a warrior, and he was hit into a stack of boxes and some of the boxes fell down on him. "NO!" Another warrior shouted. He lost focus for half a second and another monster-like thing hit him in the stomach and he flew right into the wall of the building and broke his neck. "Let's.. Let's get out of here.." Emily said, scared. "Who the heck are you!?" They heard from behind. They turned around to see the mysterious boy. "Follow me at once those things are not going to spare you just becuse you are humans.." They quickly followed him down another rotten wooden stair and out another back door. "You have seen way to much.." The boy said. "I TOLD YOU you should stop bothering me. Now those things are going to hunt for you.. Stupids.." The boy said. "I'm sorry, what now?" Alice asked. "You have two choices: One, continue your normal life and those things most likely at some point will kill you. And two, you can choose to join me to safety." The boy replied. "What you say Emily?" Alice asked. "We have no choice I guess?" Emily replied. "Stand completly still." The boy said. He started placing some black rods around the two girls. After placing six rods in a perfect circle he started to talk on a weird language and continued to do so for a few minutes. "Things are coming!" Alice said. Then suddently all three of them was in a completly other area. "Here we are safe, atleast." The boy said. "Welcome back." A voice said. A man approached them. "Who are those girls? New recruits?" He asked. "No, they saw those things killing my allies, and i had to take them here if they wanted to survive." The boy said. "You know them?" The man asked. "Yes, they were in the same school as me." The boy replied. "The village is lost. The elder is dead." The boy continued. "I saw everything. Horrible." The man said. "What do we do?" Alice asked. "You cannot go back to your village. Those things will kill every single human in the town. It's lost. It has happened before, in Russia, it ended up with their nuclear power plant blew up. Most of the people died of the radioactive air, though the reason to the power plant exploding was the monster or whatever you want to call them." The man said. "But.. But.. You cannot just LEAVE it!?" Emily asked. "Nothing else to do. The village is lost." The man replied. A voice started to talk over the Intercom. "EVACUATE! THOSE THINGS HAVE FOUND THIS SAFE ZONE TOO! SAFE ZONES ALL AROUND THE EARTH IS GETTING RUINED! HALF OF THE HUMAN POPULATION IS ALLREADY DEAD! WE ARE LOSING COUNTRIES AND CONTINENTS ALL OVER THE PLANET!" The Intercom continued to repeat the message. "What do we do!?" Alice asked. "We have to hide. Now!" A monster appeared in the corridor. Another man came behind it and slashed it in half. Three new monsters jumped over the man and tore him to pieces. Emily was speechless. "ROOKIE! GET A TELEPORTING CIRCLE UP! I'LL DEFEND YOU! The man shouted while putting up some simmilar rods and placing three of them in a line. He did also speak in some weird language and in a few seconds a transparent blue barrier appeared. The boy started to build the circle. "We never make it in time..." The boy said while a monster tried to jump on the barrier. The boy started to speak the weird language again. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh n-" "Shut up.." Emily interrupted Alice. "Get into the circle! The man shouted. "NOW!" The barrier broke and the man got pieces of it all over and then monsters jumped over him and he ended his life the same way as the other one. A small monster jumped into the circle just as they teleported. "So we are safe now?" Alice asked, worried. "Probably not. But atleast for a few hours, if we are lucky.." The boy said. "Who are you really?" Emily asked the boy. "I'm a former Defender.. Those things have been around for houndreds of years, but in the last months they have been growing stronger and stronger.. The human population is dead for sure.." The boy replied. "Where are we now?" Alice asked. "In a base in the middle of the mountains in Chile." The boy replied. "My rods are broken now so I cannot teleport anymore either. I have to search for some new ones. I think there are more rods here." The boy said. "What are the rods?" Emily asked. "Magic. I cannot do offensive spells yet though. I can only teleport and put up barriers." The boy replied. "Why no offensive spells?" Alice asked. "I am not ready for it. I need to train for weeks to learn the basic of offensive skills. But I have learned to put up pretty strong and big barriers. And I only need about two minutes to teleport. Most people need ten minutes to teleport." The boy replied. "What is your name?" Alice asked. "I have no name. Like all the other Defenders." The boy replied. "Wait here, I'll go get some new rods.." The boy said. The monster who had followed them in the teleporting jumped up on Emily. "What was that..?" She asked. "On your back!" Alice said. "What is it?" Emily asked worried. "It's one of those monsters!" Alice replied. "EEEK GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OF-" The small monster used it's claw and hit her neck and she fell over. "What happened here?" The boy said. "A thing hit Emily!" Alice said, very scared. "The monster jumped up in the face of the boy and he fell over himself. "Oh God.." Alice said. She started running. After running non-stop for five minutes, she was that tired that she fell over. Last thing she saw was one of the monsters standing over her. Then black.

    "And how did you survive?" A young girl, maybe eight years old, asked. "I don't know. I woke up in the quarantine zone." Alice replied. "But after the black I remember hearing something hit the floor. Maybe one of the Defenders saved me." Alice said. The Intercom started to speak. "WE ARE SEALING AWAY SITE-14 IN ONE MINUTE. GET OUT OF SITE-14 IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!" "Site-14 fell today.. Not suprising.. Only Site-51 left then.." Alice said. The Intercom suddently started again. "WE ARE BUILDING A BARRIER DOME THAT WILL PROTECT US FOR TEN MORE YEARS. THIS MAY SHAKE A LOT, SO GET READY." "I have less than ten years of my life left, I will live my life out here atleast." Alice said. "How old are you grandma?" The girl asked. "96."

    --------------------------
    First bad attempt to write a real story not based off anything .-.
    Fun fact, @BrawlerAce_, this is my post number 666.
     
  2. Parkman1221

    Parkman1221 Well-Known Member

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    More details on the characters first? I had to figure out what each character's name was because you used He and She a lot.

    But cool story. I found some parts pretty funny, but that is just me.
     
  3. BrawlerAce

    BrawlerAce Well-Known Member

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    Not half bad. I feel that it could have been written better, because I felt that the story didn't feel the way it should have. There needs to be more suspense, in my opinion. As said above, too many pronouns will confused readers. I understood it fully, but some might not. Also, congrats on post 666. Yawn.

    Change your profile picture to a 666 picture v:
     
  4. jacobkolstad

    jacobkolstad Well-Known Member

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    Wrote in 30 minutes :stuck_out_tongue:
    First time I started from scratch. At "The Story of MC-War" https://www.brawl.com/threads/12127/, I had the players to build up from. + I took a few things like the "Barrier" from the books "Gone" and "The Neverending Story".

    At the SCP - Containment Breach story (https://www.brawl.com/threads/11871/) I took allmost all information from the playstyle of the actual game.
    Though I am not happy with this story. In "The Story of MC-War", I explain character details a little by a little, and I did it here too, but here I am writing no sequel, so there is no time to explain details.
     
    #4 jacobkolstad, Mar 18, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2015
  5. BrawlerAce

    BrawlerAce Well-Known Member

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    Hah, tricked you! Now you have 667 posts C:
    Kinda on topic?:
    In school, I'm pretty critical about writing, so I'm sometimes critical about writing here, as well. You're one of my unlucky victims :v
     
    #5 BrawlerAce, Mar 18, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2015
  6. jacobkolstad

    jacobkolstad Well-Known Member

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    And you are my unlucky victim, while you read this crappy story 666 climbed out of your screen while you blinked and now is ready to kill you at any time..
     
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