1. Welcome to the Brawl website! Feel free to look around our forums. Join our growing community by typing /register in-game!

Story The Old Days (Short Story)

Discussion in 'Literature' started by knuckles0315, Jun 19, 2015.

?

Was this a good story?

  1. This Was So Amazing!!!!

    42.9%
  2. I liked it, it was alright.

    14.3%
  3. I didn't like it very much. Please improve.

    28.6%
  4. This was horrible. My eyes burned today.

    14.3%
Thread Status:
Please be aware that this thread is more than 30 days old. Do not post unless the topic can still be discussed. Read more...
  1. knuckles0315

    knuckles0315 Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Ratings:
    +2
    *Disclaimer* The following story is just kind of what the old days of MC-WarZ were like. In that time very few people knew of Zone 6. It was always east airfield for the pros. This story is a historical fictions of some of those times. In case you get confused all conversations follow the rule New Speaker, New Line. This is also my first time making a Minecraft story, so please be kind.*

    Background
    It was the beginning of WarZ. My friend and I were both alive on server five. At the time Zone 6 was legendary. Did we believe in it? He did, me, not so much. We both wore full iron and had compasses, food, and all tier 4 gear with the exception of MSR's. Every day we both went up to the East Airfield to loot and kill anyone who crossed us, noob or pro. While we both hung around, he decided he wanted adventure.

    Story

    "Alrighty @MP5K_ let's head out to see if we can make it to the airfield before all the others hop on," I said to him, however he had other plans.
    "Seriously man... Let's be the first to ever find Zone 6," he replied
    "WHAT!!! You think we can actually get there! Dude, hardly anyone even knows about it, and no one has even made it there without somehow dying."
    "That is why we will be the first!"
    At this point in time I was thinking that MP5K_ was going insane, but as soon as he headed north I knew there was no stopping him. "Do you even know where you are going?" I called
    "Of course I do!" He called back.
    I was quite skeptical at the time little did I know he was telling the truth. Suddenly, the terrain changed to jungle and we entered a town, Zone 3 it said. "Should we stock up a bit here before heading out?" I asked.
    "Good idea Knuckles!"
    So as we stopped to loot a bit and grab some food and a few guns a zombie came raging in. MP5k_ being the slick man that he is whipped out his MSR and fried him, then my compass began to point. "MP5K I have an enemy on compass!"
    "Then let's go get him!"
    As we ran towards our compass marks bullets began to fly seemingly from everywhere, we both couldn't identify the attacker. As we continued to run at the compass marker I noticed a name, as I fired a successful MSR shot a single bullet fired back.
    The next thing I knew MP5k's dead body fell next to me. "NO!" I yelled. I rushed the attacker doing a serpentine to dodge his strikes. The next second, one struck me. My heart count went down to one, and then I made it to him. As I pulled out my SPAS-12 he fired, and missed, and I fired back, taking him down. As MP5 teleported back to me to grab his gear I noticed something the attacker dropped. My mouth dropped open in awe. It was the legendary barret. We both mouther OMG and then he said, "That means getting to zone 6 is possible."
    "Then let's keep moving," I said. As we walked the terrain began to grow hard and stony, and when I saw we entered another zone 3 I thought something was wrong. I asked, "Are we in the right place?"
    "Just a bit further!" was my answer.
    I thought it was all over and we were going to die until I saw the iron bars. All of a sudden I felt a burst of adrenaline (Probably from my sugar) and I ran straight at it with MP5k_. When we reached it we both saw the message, we had entered Zone 6. "Heck yea!!!!" I exclaimed, "We friggan made it!"
    "Phew, about time."
    But something didn't feel quite right. We both felt very accomplished, but I didn't feel safe. When I heard the sound of the can hitting the ground I jumped. "What was that?" I asked.
    My reply was from an unknown voice, "It is me, and you sir are intruding on my privacy."
    I couldn't believe it. The person had all diamond gear, and a barret pointed right at us. He said, "Hoorah, you found this place, now leave."
    "Sir, if I may, can we at least explore a bit?"
    And then it all went black. He had shot us both with a barret square in the head. And it was over.

    Epilouge

    A few months later I learned that people knew of zone 6, they just didn't share the information. Not many knew, but those who did staked out the areas day in and day out. When someone went in they had about 5 seconds of enjoyment, and the shots were fired, however, on that day we both learned Zone 6 was no myth, it was all the real, just heavily guarded by snipers.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #1 knuckles0315, Jun 19, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2015
  2. Striker_Eight

    Striker_Eight Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2013
    Messages:
    352
    Ratings:
    +36
    I will give you feedback on how to improve the story.
    • Give more detail about the characters and their background instead of immediately jumping into the action.
    • The climax is almost non-existent. For me, I didn't feel that excited when the fight happened. A good way to improve the climax is include a near death experience to the characters, where they barely manage to escape death at great cost. I believe adding suspense would enchance the example I've given.
    • The story was way too rushed. Have the characters face challenges they'll have to overcome. Include an internal struggle within the characters' own mind, and an external conflict in which the characters face several challenges in the harsh environments they traverse (airfield and zone 6).
     
    #2 Striker_Eight, Jun 19, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2015
  3. MR_EVIL_OVERLORD

    MR_EVIL_OVERLORD Elite Legacy Legend | PRO | Genius Super Villain

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    4,611
    Ratings:
    +1,401
    My feedback.

    1) I liked the concept that you are laying out and I think it needs more detail.
    2) A story like this requires a description of the situation and characters in the first 2 paragraphs.
    3) The internal dialog of the characters needs to be developed so we know what they are thinking.

    4) And there needs to be a Super Villain...who wins. :open_mouth:
     
  4. Neptunide

    Neptunide This is my Smurf Account

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2013
    Messages:
    330
    Ratings:
    +42
    Haha, I like it.
    Nice story. It's well written and described, but there some spelling errors.
    +1
     
  5. eBaee

    eBaee Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    35
    Ratings:
    +0
    Sounds like you want a book xD.
     
  6. HydroStax

    HydroStax Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2015
    Messages:
    48
    Ratings:
    +1
    uhm, that player didn't play then and tons of people were at zone 6. :/
     
  7. Neptunide

    Neptunide This is my Smurf Account

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2013
    Messages:
    330
    Ratings:
    +42
    This is sort of a remake, *ahem* a story. And, I actually did play way back when.
     
  8. Forester27

    Forester27 Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Ratings:
    +19
  9. HereCreepers

    HereCreepers Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2014
    Messages:
    1,170
    Ratings:
    +117
    Then you went here and killed a legendary full diamond! Then 5 seconds later he gets 69 people on and you die. Yup. Thats WarZ
     
  10. ekali

    ekali Bannēd for DoX

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2014
    Messages:
    827
    Ratings:
    +345
    Can I get an amen?
     
  11. knuckles0315

    knuckles0315 Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Ratings:
    +2
    Lol glad you guys are having a good laugh over this!
     
Loading...
Similar Threads Forum Date
Brawl Holidays Mini-Event Sponsored Events Dec 11, 2020
as someone who played in the old mcpvp days, its nice to see ctf still up Capture the Flag May 27, 2020
WarZ Free Fridays MC-WarZ Feb 18, 2020
Free Fridays MC-WarZ Oct 19, 2019
War Fun Sundays #1 MC-War Jul 29, 2019
Thread Status:
Please be aware that this thread is more than 30 days old. Do not post unless the topic can still be discussed. Read more...