[April Fools] Teh Brool Noos - /\/\4rch 2k17!!!

Volume :V:L, Edition XD ... No. 1337 [sampletextlol] 69 - 68, 2k17 FREE (or is it?!?)
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Spoiler: Get yer summaries here homie

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Spoiler: H

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Spoiler: K

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Spoiler: :V

In the Footsteps of Mojang: Making Brawl Great Again
Hey folks! We've recently decided to really go the extra mile when it comes to following Mojang’s example. After careful deliberation, we have come to the conclusion that following in the footsteps of an immensely successful company such as Mojang is in the best interest of Brawl. To start off, let's talk legal stuff. What?! Brawl has legal stuff? Indeed! We actually do have a Terms of Service that you can view here. Consider this our "EULA." These terms will be receiving a major overhaul to mirror what was done with Mojang's EULA. Here are two of the major changes you can expect:

• If you purchase anything in-game, you must also purchase it for every player on the server at the time.
• You may no longer restrict gameplay features of other players. For example, you must accept TPs from any player who requests it from you. If you run a team of any sort, every player must have access to joining said team at any time. You must also allow them access to any sort of loot you may have.

Any player caught violating these rules will be ip-banned from the network. In addition to revamping our own terms of service, we will also be revamping the way the network generates revenue! We are proud to announce that we will soon have done away voting for the server! We really didn’t want anyone to feel compelled to "pay with their time" in order to enjoy the network. (And besides, who can afford to keep giving out those pricy coupons month after month? :v) It was never our intent to pressure you when we first put the system in place, and we sincerely apologize to all those who we forced to take a minute or so out of their day in order to support us. Although paying with time is out of the question, we are perfectly ok with people paying with their money! Mojang's realms have clearly been a huge success, especially since the enforcement of the EULA, though that clearly did not comprise their motivation to enforce it. Starting in one week's time, everyone must pay $7.99 USD each month in order to access the servers of the network. Further raking in the dough providing options to help support our network will be our soon to be bestseller: the Brawlchest. Similar to Minechest, each chest will contain official Brawl toys, clothing, and collectibles. Ever wanted to get a small loan of $39.99 to pay for a couple of plastic Roke figurines and Putty shirts? Now's your chance! Similar to Mojang's deal with LEGO, we will also be selling sets of Brawlbricks anywhere from $20-$200 for a few pieces of plastic. With all these wonderful new additions, we're sure to save Brawl from the path of destruction it was clearly going down before. Let's all join together and walk in the beautiful, selfless, indescribably awe-inspiring footsteps of Mojang so we can make Brawl great again!

Minecraft’s Catastrophe!
Recently, a shocking occurrence has caused us to seriously reconsider the way we manage behavior on our servers. A few days ago, we received this appeal from a player a staff member had just banned.

Though we were understandably skeptical at first, we decided that this issue was worth looking into further in case it held any validity. In light of this, we put out a poll on reddit targeting cat owners who played Minecraft. The poll returned shocking results. Of the 21 people who responded, 96.9% of them reported that their accounts had actually been hijacked and played on by their cats within the last month! Continuing this trend, this means that 96.9% of the cat owners who play on our network may actually be cats! Due to the as of yet unknown number of accounts that may have been hijacked by cats, our staff team will no longer be issuing punishments until Mojang resolves the situation through various anti-cat measures. Bill Gates has already announced that he plans to enforce these measures through a sort of catptcha. In the meantime, if you see anyone breaking the server rules, just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are cats. We understand and apologize for the inconvenience that this may cause any of you, but look on the bright side of things! The staff team will now have more time to invest into the Brawl Staff circle-jerk chat/online dating site slack chat to help plan for the future of the server! Hang in there fellas, and watch out for those cats! For more info on this catastrophe, see this thread.


HG Kit Rotation
*In an effort to generate a little more diversity in kit selection, ELITEs will now only have access to 4 kits in addition to all of the normal, VIP, MVP kits. This is to prevent ELITEs from choosing their favorite kit every time they play.

Normal: Kangaroo, Grappler, Demoman, Madman
VIP: Anchor, Phantom, Titan
MVP: Berserker, Gladiator, Tarzan, Digger, Hades
Elite: Trapper, Necro, Worm, Reaper




Featured Brawler
He’s strong, he’s handsome, and he’s this month’s featured Brawler! That’s right! We are pleased to announce that the most interesting man in the world has earned this month’s award! He’s an utter beast on our servers. However, what’s more interesting is that his skills online have been honed by real life experience. He served his country as a part of the Marine Corps through 2006. When not on duty, he joined the FBI as a detective and has been working for them since 2008. Because of this, he knows his way around guns and dominates on our gun based servers! This legendary player also has had plenty of experience in hand to hand combat, making vanilla PVP his thing as well! Everyone, please give a hearty congratulations to this month’s featured Brawler! He’s big, he’s bad…

Trivia Question
Last month's question was: Who on the staff team smokes weed the most regularly?
The answer was @Gehenna_Beam! @Nobody answered it first! You all suck. No trophies for you.

This month's question is: How many secret crushes has @Lord_Roke had on members of the staff team?
The answer will be revealed along with the winner in the next edition of The Brawl News.

Group Advertisement
Do you have no life? Are you lonely, single, or generally unappreciated, yet lack the skill or motivation to pull yourself out of these of these sorry states? If you answered yes to any one of those questions, then boy do we have the group for you! In this highly selective club, no longer will you have to be lonely! You’ll be surrounded by other lonely no-lives that you can talk to! You’ll have a blast! Conversations typically vary quite a bit. You’ll experience it all through casual chit-chat, heated political debates, dating advice, completely trash music, and quality anime. The best part? Once you’re in the club, you virtually don’t have to do anything! Simply being a part of it is so prestigious, that people who you don’t even know will begin greeting and starting conversation with you! People who you don’t know will adore and envy you! Want to join? Of course you do! Who wouldn’t? To apply, you will need to write up an application. However, don’t expect that an application will be enough. What our group really values is personal friendships and connections. Historically, friends of our group’s leaders have risen high in the ranks. Treat us well and you’ll get far! To join, please fill out an application here. For further information, you can read this. Good luck! We’re looking forward to seeing you!

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Articles written by @randomcitizen1 and only @randomcitizen1


Builder of the Month
This month’s winner is none other than your friendly neighborhood charming rogue/walking sack of memes/lord and savior. And who else could possibly be worthy of these immensely flattering titles than @randomcitizen1? <-- (Hi, I'm a rhetorical question.) I'm proud to announce that the panel of judges for deciding this month's winner which may or may not have primarily consisted of myself singled out my build for the award due to its obvious artistic genius. Yes, in addition to possessing no small ammount of genius along with irresistible charisma, charm, good looks, and writing capabilities, my building skills are nothing short of utterly masterful. In fact, it's not uncommon for @Rhoske to burst into tears of awe and joy (not pain) upon witnessing the majesty of my builds. And the best part of my builds other than the fact that I built them? Every block is hand placed. You'll see no cheap WE tricks from your old school homie Randy. So now, I bestow upon you all the privilege to observe what is born when genius meets blocks. You may view the award winning build in the spoiler below. To conclude, let's just all give another hearty congratulations to my undeniably worthy and humble self. Thank you everyone! I would say I couldn't have done it without you, but I did, so I can't say that. :V

Spoiler: The Award Winning Build Carefully Crafted by None Other Than Randomcitizen1

Spoiler: This really isn't for the faint of heart. Are you sure?

Spoiler: Last chance. Seriously, you might need to grab a box of tissues before going further.

:v

Comment Giveaway
Every edition of Brawl News comes with the chance to win a month of global ELITE. To enter, just leave any kind of comment below with a screenshot of you saying "@18kss is a skid." The winner will be announced in next month's edition.

Last month's winner: @Bernie Sanders, Congratulations! We know how you enjoy handouts!

Rule Breaker Report Champions
Here are the players who reported the most valid rule breaker reports.

• First: @brewhaha (999,999,999 valid reports [as well as many duplicates]) - $25 coupon for the Brawl shop
• Second: @kcl729 (more valid reports than he has alts) - $20 coupon for the Brawl shop
• Third: @Princess_Cutie ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ponys valid reports) - $15 coupon for the Brawl shop

Be sure to keep an eye out for pesky rule breakers to possibly rake in some prizes next month!

Top Voters
We congratulate the voters below for their support:

• First: @Probably Vincz, Lekosa, C6, and Poix (like 5 more than actually possible votes) - $25 coupon for the Brawl shop
• Second: @nobodycares (roughly half the number of the first place winners' votes) - $20 coupon for the Brawl shop
• Third: @againnobodycares (about 3 votes lol) - $15 coupon for the Brawl shop

Resignations
chickenputty
Canoodle
Lord_Roke
yinscape
D3RGPS31
Mario
Signatured
ThaRedstoner
Totom3
yqt1001
18kss
GreenPeas
MrDasky
randomcitizen1
Rhoske
RockTomb
TheTrogs
Viva
aGuyInAsuite
AnonymousGalaxy
b0squet
Blamo
ChicknSlayr
DarkTitan_
DeCasperr
Doges
Eil
gamren
Gehenna_Beam
GetShadowRealmed
ikemulti
iMacro
Jul13n
kevshadowslayer
MattM1PVP
Miskey
Nohox
RMST1
RyGuy
Sn4x5
Snail_5_
SoCool21
TheZombieKat
Verlyn
wintergreen3
Xelia_
Aboves
Algelier
charlottethegirl
Overkilll_
Purest_
sjuka_legogubbar
SkullcrusherLD
EDIT: FORGOT DNASKID BC HE SO RANDY: @DnaMooshroom demoted

Promotions
Admin:
Donald J. Trump
(^Yuge)

Senior Moderator:
Mike Pence
Vladimir Putin
@D3RGPS31



Statistics
Monthly votes: 9,001 (??? increase)

Total mutes: 21k (bc peeps are stupid)
Total bans/temp bans: also 21k (^^^)
Total players: 69,696,969 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° increase)

Forum discussions: 333,333,333 (/\ increase confirmed? /\)
Forum messages: 420k (blazing increased)
Forum members: 1337,000,000 (XxX_increase_XxX)

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