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Story Good Girl (Short Story)

Discussion in 'Literature' started by mewsed, Jun 29, 2015.

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How's this Short Story?

  1. Excellent.

    2 vote(s)
    50.0%
  2. Good.

    2 vote(s)
    50.0%
  3. Meh.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. I didn't like it. (Feedback?)

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
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  1. mewsed

    mewsed Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2015
    Messages:
    41
    Ratings:
    +2
    **Note: This is my first short story I've ever written and published... Feedback is greatly appreciated so I'll be able to improve!

    My mother and I were extremely close. Sometimes, when I was feeling down, she would take me out to the forest where we would rest and look to the sky, watching the shapes in the clouds slowly warp and dissipate. Those were some of my favorite memories.

    And one day, we were doing just that. The sun beat down onto my skin and warmed me to the core. I lay next to my Mom, listening to her breathe. I shifted my gaze to the horizon where I watched a flock of birds take off from the tree tops.

    Something was wrong.

    We both rose to attention and remained silent. The fear that somebody was watching us made us both shudder. Mother looked to me and whispered, "Quickly." as she pointed to the woods leading home.

    The loud blast made my ears ring. My mother fell limply into the grass. Petrified with fear, I backed against a tree and screamed. A large man with a scruffy brown beard emerged from the trees. He wore camouflage and held a large rifle in his burly hands.

    His eyes turned to me and saddened.

    All I could do was stare down at my hooves before he aimed his rifle at me. "Good girl," he said before squeezing the trigger.
     
    #1 mewsed, Jun 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2015
  2. StrikerSly

    StrikerSly Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2014
    Messages:
    2,192
    Ratings:
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    Wow, this took an unexpected turn... Very touching.

    Sad ending, and the descriptions of surroundings were great. Nice!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Chopo

    Chopo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Messages:
    2,001
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    ◕⌂◕
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. Piky

    Piky Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2013
    Messages:
    3,646
    Ratings:
    +1,539
    Oh.. Oh my...
    Very good use of words to tell a story. A depressing ending but an amazing story.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Zla

    Zla Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2015
    Messages:
    35
    Ratings:
    +3
    THE FEELS, THE FLIPPING FEELS. OH MY GOD ;-;
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
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