Need IRL advice from you guys

From my advice that I've gone through this.
Sometimes, you need a break. Even if ignoring someone or more for the purpose of sanity and telling them you need a break. We all go through a point where we had enough and need to ignore that point of annoyance.
And hey, if your friend wants to meet me, I'd gladly hear out all that he has to offer. Trying to help your sanity here.

 

r/advice might offer some help.

 

FTFY

What does he rant about?
Well, besides that, I think you should take a break or cut ties, if you can't stand him. You don't deserve be treated like that and I'd suggest to maybe explain to him that his ranting isn't good/healthy for your friendship.

I myself have a **** ton of problems but I ain't complaining.

 

There are professionals that he can talk to about situations like that. Putting all that burden on a friend isn't helpful.

 

I'm not a professional nor have I experienced this situation as much as you have (for a year and a half straight), but my mother has been done this way by a lot of her 'friends' over her fifty five years. The way you're feeling about the situation is pretty similar to the way my mum felt about the ones she had to deal with. Here's how she deals with that sort of thing now: she doesn't let them unload on her. In other words "you want to unload all your problems on me? Fine, but I'm not going to be here to listen to them"

I've had the same issue where I'm really ticked about something and sometimes I end up unloading on someone. However, I try to make my rants at least somewhat funny. By the sound of it, that is not what your friend is doing. From my mother's experience, friendships are as heavily dependent on mutual respect as they are about chemistry (a lot like relationships actually). According to her, my father is the only real friend she's ever had. What your friend is doing is not being a friend (with the exception of the 'chill' interlude you mentioned) since he clearly does not respect you enough to treat you like an actual person who has their own problems, frustrations, and life, and are instead using you as their personal punching bag. You say that he knows what he's doing, has gone back to his "old ways", and that you want to end the friendship. You also say that he gets himself into stressful situations and then complains to you about how stressed he is. That's the no.1 sign that you're dealing with someone who is using their goodwill with you to compensate for their own immaturity because they can't get control over their own life and responsibilities.

If you haven't already I'd tell him straight up that if he can't deal with his own problems in a mature way instead of dumping them on you, then you're not going to have anything to do with him. If he can't respect that and goes back to his "old ways" then, from my mother's experience and mine, I think it would be wisest to end the friendship. That's what my mother does when people try to do her this way nowadays and it has really helped her mental health. As others have already said, you shouldn't have to put up with this sort of thing from anyone.

Professional psychiatrists (other adult figures etc.) would be better people to ask for help with this sort of problem than a bunch of dudes on a Minecraft forum but that's just my two cents.

 

Sup Fellas,

Friends should be able to talk about problems but if it isn’t mutual then it doesn’t benefit you. I don’t let people dump problems on me. It’s a skill that takes time to develop.

Tip #1: Tell your friend, when he as problems, that he wants to talk about he has to have ideas for solutions too.

Tip #2: When talking about problems focus on 1 at a time.

• When your friend presents a problem ask “so what’s your plan?” or “what are you going to do about it?” and do this for every problem.
  

Tip #3: If he has stupid problems like I didn’t do my homework because I went hiking…

• Tell him, “so you had a choice and you elected to go hiking vs doing your homework…sounds like you didn’t make a wise decision” and move on.

Evil

 

Hey.

I went through a time where I had to dump my stress on someone else for a while, and I'll tell you right now that it sucks to be on either end.

What I found helpful was to write my issues out, in detail, then discard the papers/delete the files. It felt like I was letting out my worries, while not having to dump them on other people.

I recommend that you ask your friend to do the same. It certainly doesn't work for everyone, but it's an idea.

 

First of by "draining you emotionally" does he make you feel like you have no value or does he make you feel bad for him. And if you don't have the heart to end your friendship that just shows that you guys are close and what he's doing really isn't that mind boggling to you. (Correct me if I'm wrong)

Honestly you don't have to ignore him completely. Also you can just tell him to stop ranting to him and you really are starting to get stressed out. And if he doesn't listen to that then you know he really doesn't give a f*ck about you. Otherwise just change the topic or make yourself less available if he has to ask you to meet him to rant to you.

 

@yinscape

My best advice is to cut ties. If you've done so for 5 months straight then he clearly doesn't seem to mind the separation.

I understand that you want to be there for him and give him emotional support as he figures things out in life, but I also know how taxing it can be to constantly have to listen to depressing talks.

There comes a time where everyone has to do things for his or herself. I know you think you're doing the right thing, but after a time, that person will come to rely on you for emotional support and they will become lazy and mopey. Once that happens, they won't want to rectify the situation. Take away that support, and they need to decide to stand on their own.

That doesn't mean you have to ignore him, but it does mean that you can't take away all the pain for him. Only he can choose to change himself.

 

Out of the mouths of babes

 

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