1. Welcome to the Brawl website! Feel free to look around our forums. Join our growing community by typing /register in-game!

Story The Great War part 1

Discussion in 'Literature' started by rickykinoki, Mar 8, 2014.

Thread Status:
Please be aware that this thread is more than 30 days old. Do not post unless the topic can still be discussed. Read more...
  1. rickykinoki

    rickykinoki Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2014
    Messages:
    307
    Ratings:
    +28
    "Where am I" " c'mon hello" I said. "What's your name I'll get you to safety" "rickykinoki..... Why?"
    "We're in the middle of a war my name is disc222" "Thanks we'll, disc222" "just call me disc" Whistle..... BAM! "DISC, DISC ARE YOU OK?" "Here" mumbled disc "Take this" "what is it?" "It's called the skullcr......"
    "Disc!!!" "Nooooo"
    Time to take this on. Bam bam bam yeah 2 killstreak alrea..... Buzzt buzzt, disc, come in, come in, um hello? "DISC, Who's this ?" "Rickykinoki. Disc got shot" "Damn" said the guy on the walkie talkie. "By the way my name is joeymast" "ok joeymast get me out of here" "I'm on my way"


    To be continued......​
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #1 rickykinoki, Mar 8, 2014
  2. randomcitizen1

    randomcitizen1 The schizophrenic swagmoneymillionaire

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,556
    Ratings:
    +2,556
    Nice story so far. It needs some work though. You need to develop your plot a bit more. If you make a second part then make sure that it is longer. Also, you should introduce more than one main character. You can use me as another character if you want. Pm me if you want to ask me any more questions. I am looking forward to part 2! Keep it up.
     
    #2 randomcitizen1, Mar 8, 2014
  3. Colonel_Chris

    Colonel_Chris Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2013
    Messages:
    1,004
    Ratings:
    +238
    Seems pretty good, but grammar could use a little work.
     
    #3 Colonel_Chris, Mar 8, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Loading...
Similar Threads Forum Date
Denied GreatLatte's Minecraft Party Staff Application Denied Jul 28, 2016
Denied RikorTheGreat's Minecraft Part Mod Application Denied Oct 10, 2013
Keep CTF Great - Trump for Moderator Off Topic May 15, 2020
[April's Fool] The Great Spring CTF Update Capture the Flag Mar 30, 2020
Who are the greatest MC-WarZ players of all time? Discussion Oct 20, 2019
Thread Status:
Please be aware that this thread is more than 30 days old. Do not post unless the topic can still be discussed. Read more...