So here I am, 4 years later

At the misinterpreted suggestion of @BrandinoB I've moved this from CTF forums into the community. This thread means a lot to me, so if you have some negative joke or bad comment, please leave it out and keep everyone's day a little brighter.

Well guys, I'm here.
Not that many people noticed me, not that anybody cared, but I've been watching for a long time, and through recent mental changes, everything's changed.

Now I'm sorry if you're weirded out or confused by that opening line, but that just means I've been looking at everything a different way. But now I look to the past. School and society has now tried to overthrow everything and make us work in society to fuel the machine of the world, and I hate it. I do well in school, very well indeed, but it just seems to simple and unimaginative. Where's the fun days, parties, goof off, projects? Where are the innocent days of old where I could smile for real, and not play a facade of insanity. It's taken the fun out of my life.

Why, I remember when I picked up that game boy color back in 2004 and turned on pokemon crystal. An action that changed my life. I stand here today and look back, at the wonder, the simplicity that I'll never get back. This fills me with nostalgia and sadness that everything changes, everything goes farther than intended, beyond happiness. You can never go back, you can't reverse the quantum spin, can't rearrange every quark, muon, gluon back into the way it was to bring time back. No, it's lost. Gone forever.

CTF has been a huge part of my gaming experience. Minecraft, actually, has been one of the biggest games of my life because, for once, I was complemented on my creativity, my skill. And I felt happy, all my friends played it, everyone loved it, (heck, just look at what Minecraft did to youtube). The awe of amazing creations, the simplicity and complexity. But that time has gone. Now minecraft is only for little kids and retards. No more can I talk with friends and converse, and I feel like my connection has been cut from many people... but. but it opened my eyes to the universe, to watch time go by.

I joined CTF on accident back in 2012 on McPvP, and it stuck. It worked so well. I will always love the feeling of capturing a flag and shouting "FOR THE WIN". And I've watched people come and go, not really great friends, but people I can say hi to and recognize. I've seen the update and changes, and seen it change hands. And now I'm losing interest, taken by TF2, but I want to get back. I want to relive the glory days when there were so many servers full. The days when I could talk freely, and have fun.

So here I am, 4 years after I started. And I'm depressed, not in a bad way, but in a life sense. I don't feel like I'm advancing in school. I don't feel my mind and I are cared for, like I can't stand out. And so, I've taken back to the shadows, watching the world fly by, and... well... I'm sickened. By human nature, by greed, by primitive hunt that underlies everything. But I do not despair. I am aware of who I am, that I am conscious, that time passes. I am aware that I am a human, how remarkable everything is. The beauty of everything. I have taken back everything I thought and I am reforming my sight. I will watch this world burn or I will watch it shine.

But, I must tell you. Never forget who you are, EVER. Never forget the times you were happy and felt so proud. You are a human in a universe where time passes. When you get older and forget about the useless skills, never forget that you were once a curious child, a gamer, a seeker, and inventor, an artist, whatever. Always remain who you are, no matter what changes, no matter who leaves or comes. You are. Not forever. So be here, and do what you do, what makes you happy, what you are good at. Never let the crashing rapids of culture and society pull you down. You are an individual. Thought your past may be lost to time, your mind is not.

Endure.
Persevere. Excite. Fight. Write. Create. Speak. Live. Love. Walk. Remember.

There is no one on this earth, in the universe, who is greater than you and your hands and feet.
Go.
Live your life as you would have it.
YOU ARE
YOU WERE
YOU WILL BE
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And I know a lot of you will be "what the what is this" or didn't bother to read everything, or just plain "bad thread", but for those of you who did read, who do feel something, I thank you for listening.

I'll see all of you; old, young, nOOb, veteran; sometime soon.

Thank you for everything
-Draco

 

@GreenNature I created this thread in the because every now and again, I need to get a lot of hate, anger, and sadness off my chest. I'm not a good talker and often remain silent, and I don't trust people to not laugh and receive with ridicule or concern face-to-face. People who don't know me often receive what I say better that people that do. It's just to easy for people to laugh at the strange speech that they don't usually hear. And so that's why I write down my thoughts. To reset before slumping back down into my chair with my 15 year old body trapped in society. It's my freedom.

 

Welp, I feel like an idiot, but @BrandinoB , I can't join a team. My parents wouldn't stand for it. I wish I could. 4 years I've wanted to join a team and play comp, but like many things, it's just not so. It's been haunting me for years, only getting to half know many of the CTFers, and I wish I could but... yeah.