Looking For A Clan

Hello Brawlers.
Today I would like to discuss trying to get into a clan.
I'm a +60 and a lvl 76, and I want to go into a clan with the following requirements

• +2 kdr
• where everybody doesn't leave all the time
• a relevant clan
• something that won't die in two weeks
• people that I don't secretly hate inside

I think I have a problem though.
I'm a conflicted, somewhat existentially-pessimistic, middle-class citizen who wants to prove himself to the world.
However, I'm queer.
I care about being in a good clan where some people in it are in my friends list while I can familiarize with the people in it by not nagging and verbally taking a crap on their faces.
Basically, I'm conflicted, I'm queer, and I don't know what to do with my life in a block-game to the point where I want to kill myself.
Thankayou, an' habe gewd nite

Spoiler: disclaimer for people who will and have to take offense because dignity and advocating for social justice is on your mind

this is satire
i'm not 'verbally excreting on someone's face' because i'm not an
i just thought of this, some of you won't care
some of you will
embrace the apathy