Story The Casino sent the mob, I sent a message back

“I’ll open up a can of whoop-ass on you!”

-Stone Cold Steve Austin




I traveled the world as an economic hitman, mercenary, bodyguard, consultant, and solver of million dollar problems while I was in college.

I paid for college cash. Math was easy and I became one of the best off the grid professional gamblers of all time. I saved enough from my Las Vegas trips, eBay, Cryptocurrency, and underground fighting to pay cash for college. I could have stayed on the gambling circuit indefinitely but I had bigger plans. The summer before my senior year I saved enough to finance my fortress and launch my criminal career.

Walking out of the casino with 5 million dollars after a weekend of hustling was wonderful. I had a very successful weekend trip and I needed to catch a flight back to Denver so I could make it to class in the morning. I knew I was doing something right when I caught a glimpse of them in the corner of my eye as I made my way down to my rental car. This was no more evident than when five low level enforcers were sent by the casino to make sure I never came back. It was 4 am and I was leaving the casino with my winnings.

While in the parking structure five Mafioso types thought they could teach me a lesson about stealing from the mob. They thought I had cheated them when in fact all I had done was use my skill with percentages, odds, and mathematics.

I knew the jig was up when the first one ran up to me from behind and put his hand on my shoulder. I considered enforcers lower than whale **** at the bottom of the ocean. If you are going to beat someone up do it with panache. Have some class.

There is nothing worse than incompetent henchmen. Within seconds the five descended on me from different angles. The guy who put his hand on my shoulder pushed me with his left hand. As I turned around his buddy pushed me with his right hand. I had full situational awareness before I even saw them.

I could smell the smoke and beer on them. They thought they had found a lemming. While acting unaware, my mind was processing at light speed. A library of fighting techniques and strategies flooded my mind. I saw the fight in my mind before it ever occurred.

The first rogue put two hands on my black two button suit and it was on. He was so ugly it cut to the bone and it made you want to bleach out your eyes.

I put three quick right handed jabs in his right eye socket and he crumpled to the ground. Guy number two tried to grab me and threw a right cross which made him lose his balance as I backed away.

In those days, I hadn’t yet reached my full potential. Nowadays, I would have beat the five of them before they even saw me. Thug number three wearing a skull cap grabbed my right shoulder with both hands. I threw two left cross punches and using his momentum pulled him through me so he stumbled as his inertia carried him all the way to the ground. Thug number four was a big guy. He had that look that could only be classified as being crazier than a ****house mouse.

Judging by his size, he was 6’4 two hundred fifty pounds. He came in throwing wild jabs and ramped up his futile display with a wild haymaker. Moving like Muhammed Ali in his prime, I easily dodged them, my footwork smooth and efficient.

My retort was a right cross hitting him in his Temporomandibular Joint. I focused all my attention on a quarter sized space that connected his lower jaw, known as his mandible, to his skull located in front of his ear. He went down in pain. No doubt, he will suffer from myofascial pain disorder for the rest of his life.

Number five had a little more technical proficiency when it came to throwing punches. He threw a right which I deflected easily. If you want to piss someone off hit them in the nose. This randy, was trying to knock me out by hitting me in the nose. The science of a knockout punch is simple. Punch between the ear and the base of the spine.

I focused on that two inch area landing a left handed jab at the correct spot and he was down unconscious on the ground. His body crumpled underneath him and I heard a crunch when his jaw hit the ground. Judging by the sound he had broken his nose with his limp unconscious body. Unknowingly the randy had attempted to stop gravity with his face.

The thug with the skull cap wanted more and put both hands on the back of my suit jacket. I swung my right arm up to the sky and brought my elbow down on his forearms. This created separation as I grabbed him by the throat. Guy number two came in with a right cross. I was quick enough to duck and he ended up hitting skull cap man in the face. They both tumbled down. I kept my opponents off balance using their momentum against them.

Skull cap guy received a low Muay Thai kick to his jaw. I followed through and he was unconscious before I even finished my wicked fast follow through. My short kick was sure to leave a concussion. In hindsight, he chose the wrong day to get out of bed.

I planted my feet on the ground and took a loose fighting stance. Guy number two wanted to tango again. He took a palm strike to the throat and was down for the count. His face began to turn purple as he could hardly breathe.

Leaving them on the ground, I walked away with a cool $5 million dollars.

Rule number 1 of being a super villain always get paid.

Rule number 2 always have an out.

I paid cash for college, nearly got killed by mob enforcers, won the underground super fight championship, was trained by one of the last ninja masters, all before I graduated college.

My most mentally rewarding endeavor was when I became a day trader in my dorm room. While most guys my age were scrutinizing their fantasy football picks.

I took my money and grew it into $10 million dollars day trading. That money paid for the Eagle’s Nest and a few other toys. I walked away from college with multiple degrees and cool 15 million to start my criminal career.