Outro Life is not worth it

I'm changing my maturity and behaviour. As you can see. The incoming amount of immaturity is a facade, don't tell anyone this but I'm going to change into something I never liked. Considering my physical health is finally stable after what happened... A few months back while I was in hospital, I still feel like a piece of crap. I know what I'm saying doesn't seem to be different from how I normally act. But this is my last time being mature and such, I'm not really active in MineCraft anymore, I go full on CS:GO.
I don't like to swear in reality and in any place including online but this is my life now, I really want to stay with my girlfriend forever and ever, she feels the same. But starting from now I'm going to be a legit ... I still can't get myself to even type a swear word. Considering a ton of the community dislikes me, I'm leaving because it may make people enjoy their gameplay experience better. From people claiming I hack, to thinking I'm mean. I really don't want to ruin their experience. It's time for me to move on, I've been in this community since roughly 2012 almost three years now. I was not the best of players then, but soon I rose up the chain. If you want you can post what I've said here in off-topic because I don't give a **** anymore. You may simply think that I am in a bad mood, honestly I am in a terrible one. Why? My uncle, aunt and their child in America died in a car crash. Life is pretty damn **** isn't it, the world works like this : You think you've gained but you've lost. It's pretty painful, the only people who could keep me in a neutral state are my parents and my girlfriend. If I ever break up with her or her breaking up with me, there's not a single point living is there? I know you might write something that might make me in a good mood honestly you could. The two people I trust online are you and Pikmin, I've share secrets with you both now. I'm pretty nice but after realising the meaning of life, it's just birth, pain, sorrow and death. I feel like a massive **** after typing this but since you only live once. Try everything you can before its too late to turn back. I know people will just check this thread to see if they were tagged but if you weren't don't be disappointed since you didn't give a **** about the outro itself.
I can tell everyone's opinion of me has turned sour, but it's not my ****ing fault. It's life's fault, I've only seen my cousin once in my life he would be 8 this year. Seriously that's too bloody soon, the world you and I exist in is not really existence. This is just a dream, after we all disappear from the face of the earth. What will happen in a trillion years? Will the universe itself just have never existed? Will time be reset and everything happens again? Will we even know the existence of existence itself?

There are cemeteries that are lonely,
graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

And there are corpses,
feet made of cold and sticky clay,
death is inside the bones,
like a barking where there are no dogs,
coming out from bells somewhere, from graves somewhere,
growing in the damp air like tears of rain.

Sometimes I see alone
coffins under sail,
embarking with the pale dead, with women that have dead hair,
with bakers who are as white as angels,
and pensive young girls married to notary publics,
caskets sailing up the vertical river of the dead,
the river of dark purple,
moving upstream with sails filled out by the sound of death,
filled by the sound of death which is silence.

Death arrives among all that sound
like a shoe with no foot in it, like a suit with no man in it,
comes and knocks, using a ring with no stone in it, with no
finger in it,
comes and shouts with no mouth, with no tongue, with no
throat.
Nevertheless its steps can be heard
and its clothing makes a hushed sound, like a tree.

I’m not sure, I understand only a little, I can hardly see,
but it seems to me that its singing has the color of damp violets,
of violets that are at home in the earth,
because the face of death is green,
and the look death gives is green,
with the penetrating dampness of a violet leaf
and the somber color of embittered winter.

But death also goes through the world dressed as a broom,
lapping the floor, looking for dead bodies,
death is inside the broom,
the broom is the tongue of death looking for corpses,
it is the needle of death looking for thread.

Death is inside the folding cots:
it spends its life sleeping on the slow mattresses,
in the black blankets, and suddenly breathes out:
it blows out a mournful sound that swells the sheets,
and the beds go sailing toward a port
where death is waiting, dressed like an admiral.
~Pablo Neruda
@Pikmin_Hunter The kindest person I've ever met on McBrawl, you dramatically changed my experience throughout the entire time.
@MattXzK Funny too be with and very... Kind as well.
@CapzMC You don't seem to talk to me anymore but yeah, one of my older friends.
@Benxt The person to make me play WarZ for the first time. You don't have a forum account but we had fun as white names in our 20 v 1 team.
@AllOfMyBeginningFriends You will never see this ever, some of you don't talk to me anymore. We used to be such a great team almost 2 and a half years ago.
@Whitemagnum Doge on
I'm very sorry, I will still be on sometimes but I've had enough of this "Life". If you don't give two ****s about this outro please just consider. If you read the whole thing congratulations I bet you didn't, I sent this to two people I trust the most but thinking about it there's no point so it's out in the world now. This is not a joke either, if you write something like "xD or ;V or or or etc." I will just report and I wouldn't really care about if it didn't get deleted despite me being in this mood.
I dun ****ing goofed (edit) forgot one more tag @BuddyCrack.
Oi don't mind this edit. Hoes I'm out, I realised I forgot when I re watched my buddy is love and life video. Oi take pictures of my edit now kids. I'm out. Again. For the second time, I have to leave before before I turn into @DarSwag
Forgot tags again :
@Lord_Roke few months back with everyone was fun now you are all serious cause you have to.
@LeTim "Hex"
@ChickenNinja the guy Tim claimed "Hex on"

 

I never said I would.

 

Before I become a complete ninja, I would like to say I love you all. I know it's a weird thing to say in a depressed mood but you guys made me have a great experience in McBrawl. See ya. Being a ninja from now.