The War on Bullsh*t Presents: Ninja

TL;DR: Ninja is currently far too mobile as a class and it needs some kind of tweak/rework/nerf on its pearls. Why? Because Ninja's ender pearls are, as an ability, inherently unfair and far too strong. This is not to say that Ninja should not be buffed in other areas to compensate.

Have you ever seen things in life that just make no sense whatsoever? I have. Every time I open Eclipse for yet another attempt at the computer science lab I was supposed to turn in five days ago. I take one look at the code and it is the finest bullsh*t I have EVER seen. Just LOOK at that bullsh*t man! Apparently it's called JAVA.

When I have an error the console literally sends me messages like "could not locate the instance of ^&!@%$!# in the object" and I have no idea what on earth that means. Then I ask a dude I know who knows a lot of bullsh*t and he takes one look at it and he's like "oh that makes perfect sense. You need a semi-colon there!"

The point I am illustrating here ladies, gentlemen, and for the sake of being gender neutral, menwomen, is that Java is a lot like Ninja. They can both be exceptionally powerful when used correctly and are also incredibly stupid. And I know someone's probably gonna go all Jimmy Neutron on this thread and say "oh um excuse me sir but uh Java is soooo easy u fukin nublord" but honestly, it's not for someone like me, whose reaction every time I open the console is



CTF Ninja is the same way.

Let's take a little gander at the class. That's right I said gander. Don't judge me, it's a great word. Anyway most of you know Ninja is extremely squishy and usually has a difficult time fighting anyone half decent at PvP or who has decent armor. But the one thing Ninja has that is extremely good and extremely stupid is it's ender pearl.

Personally, I like to call it the trippy blue orb of bullsh*t.

Why you may ask?

Well for starters you can mysteriously bend space and time, break physics, blow fire out of your ass, and somehow end up 100 blocks away from where you started by throwing a pearl. If I did that every time I threw every one of Aunt Martha's pearls I can tell you I would have set some kind of Guinness World Record by now and that's saying something!

And that's not even the whole story! Flagrooms have to be intricately designed on maps so that Ninja capping won't be too ridiculously, stupidly overpowered so that randoms won't take to the forums and be the newsfeed of every staff member for the entire day. Just one block out of place on some flag-room and believe me there's one helluva sh*tstorm a brewin'.

But that's not actually the fault of map makers, or the map itself, unless its some ungodly thing that should never see the light of day even in Chucky F*ckin Cheese's like Unholy Faith... Otherwise it tends to be the fact that Ninja's ender pearl can teleport it halfway across the map, on most maps, in barely 2 seconds. No I didn't say halfway across part of the map. That's halfway cross the ENTIRE map faster than you can say Quidditch!

Look I'm not advocating for balance here, or for removing Ninja's pearls or even for putting big limits on its mobility but really? Necro is sitting there in a colossal heap of uselessness and we have Ninja's just teleporting across maps? Really? Doesn't that sound like an ability that is inherently OP to you?

Imagine if you had a child, like a really young child. His name is Jimmy. Now Jimmy likes to poop. Like all young children he is obsessed, with poop. Now suppose Jimmy sh*t in 2 places on the floor. Why? Because Jimmy is a dick.

But, supposing you were a good parent or were not also obsessed with poop, you probably wouldn't be very happy with that. And that, ladies, gentlemen, and menwomen is the situation we are faced with here. We have two piles of sh*t and no one has cleaned them up.

But wait, we must give some credence to our moderators and staff members who are tirelessly slaving away on this meaningless little game-mode. Yeah that's right you little twats (you know who you are) who always all like "oh the coders don't do shat dmote nom pl0x" the coders are shining beacons of efficiency and justice. Why they just released a new update for Ninja! Oooh! I can just feel a the strings of my heart a hummin' already!

Let's see what they did:

Lol did the coders really Ninja Ninja's update by not actually explicitly letting people know that Ninja got updated?

Wait, what a second. What's going on here? What did you say to me @Sibs?

WHAT THE F^&^&@!%#@$??

Ninja's sword was nerfed? Who the hell cares about Ninja's sword? Ninja's sword is like those Barbie action figures your grandparents got you even though you're a boy. I mean what kind of action are those things supposed to be seeing anyway? Don't ask, don't tell dude, that's my motto.

But seriously, the sword? THE SWORD? Yep, let's solve the problems that weren't really problems while ignoring the real problems like the fact that Ninja can break every law of physics and can Ninja its own updates! Way to be like the legislature Brawl!

Okay, look I know the coders have work to do. I know they have important things to do. But is it right for Ninjas to just run around the maps like they're olympic sprinters and basically everyone else is that dude who's had a few too many cheeseburgers?

GG everyone

*Admiral has left the game*

@BAWSS5
@Shawn_

 

Wrong. 'He' if we're going to refer to me in the third person, complained that Ninja's enderpearls are far too strong and is something that the coders should fix instead of nattering about how the sword is too OP.

But hey, you know what makes Ninja offense such a nuisance? Its ridiculous mobility as the sword is merely an accessory to its power.

Second of all, this thread is not a troll. This was my attempt at a humorous en-devour (as you may have noticed by the frequent jokes) to point out how ludicrous it is that a smaller problem like Ninja's sword can get fixed but the main problem with Ninja, the enderpearls, don't even get tweaked. Sorry to see that you didn't appreciate it =/

 

I play Ninja so I know that. However, I'n not suggesting reworking/nerfing Ninja's capping power without subsequent buffs in other areas.

Nope and I'm not sure what you're talking about.

 

Does anyone who disagrees not read anything in my posts?

I agree with you Matt. But if you had read the thread you would have noticed that at the very top of my post it clearly states that Ninja's mobility (pearls) should not be nerfed/reworked without some sort of buff in other areas. I do not think that is unreasonable.

Also, when did I imply that only Ninja should receive some kind of rework on its more obscenely powerful abilities?

I agree with that. I am saying "let's change Ninja's mobility" not "let's ruin Ninja's mobility" or enderpearls if you prefer. Why? Partially because of the problem you just listed.

That is precisely my point. Ninja is WAY too dependent on one really good ability.

Okay two things here:

1) Ninja's mobility is not balanced unless you consider being able to enderpearl halfway or most of the way across maps as perfectly balanced. Or unless you consider being able to constantly teleport (basically) into the flag-room every few seconds as balanced. And yes I get that Ninja loses some health when teleporting but that is beside the point that the class is simply too mobile.
2) I am not advocating for total balance.
3) I am also not advocating for removing Ninja's pearls or severely weakining its mobility. I am saying "tweak or rework or slightly nerf the mobility but buff something else in the process". Why?

That does a much better job of explaining why Ninja's pearls should be changed and also why the class should be buffed in another area to compensate for it.