Resignation Never

'Anything else we should know about you? - I am a 14 year old girl. I'd say I'm very mature for my age, many comment on this. I'm polite and respectful. Although I can be quite serious at time, I can assure you I am not always this way. I am rather goofy, clumsy and it doesn't take a lot to make me laugh. People call me a midget but I'd say I'm more 'fun sized'. I've been working on my ts3 and forums activity and I finally believe I'm ready. Don't be afraid to give me your honest opinion on my application so I know where to improve and what I need to focus on. Feel free to PM me, find me in-game or on Teamspeak. Thank you for reading my application, I really appreciate it and I hope you consider me!'

This was the ending of my very long and tedious application. It saddens me (and disgusts me due to the awful grammar) to see that over one year ago this was me, applying for a position I worked incredibly hard for. God knows why I was accepted but my goodness it was worth it. Well.. I don't quite know what to say or how I should word it but as you can see there is a yellow tag which can only mean one thing.. yet another resignation -groans-. It's hard for me to write just because I didn't want it to have to come to this but I guess all good things must come to an end, right? Before I go into my very long explanation (yay), I just want to take the opportunity to apologise for my sudden and unexplained inactivity and just my overall inability to perform how I wanted / was required to as a staff member. I know I let a lot of people down and no excuse can cover it. (You can skip this next part.)

Inactivity: So my activity, as many of you can see, has decreased to the point where I'm not physically on for days at a time. Well, I have no real explanation apart from the fact that life is hard and everybody has their problems, including myself. My home life isn't perfect and neither is my school life. Through everything that has happened over the past 6 months I can't say I regret prioritising my family and my own mental stability over moderation. Times get rough but I guess we all break sometimes and my family and I are currently recovering from this state of grief. I left due to these little issues and how I felt as though it would change my mindset and overall the way I reacted to certain situations, which I felt was unfair. I didn't see it as being right to take it out on the community especially not the people who were always there to help me. I can safely say I'm okay and that this is merely an obstacle and I won't let my struggles identify who I am as a person.

Moderating: I'm just not motivated, that is all. It's such a simple thing that many believe can be fixed however, I'm unmotivated to the point where it feels more like a chore rather than something I do for fun. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing it but there are points in time where it just adds to the stress rather than relieving it. Starting every month with a goal to reach where you are seen as useless if you don't or go down in stats. For the majority of the time, I'd reach them effortlessly, but it slowly fell in levels and I was viewed as just another moderator who was holding a spot that another player could take and put to good use. To be quite honest I've never felt more judgement from doing voluntary work in a game than I have during my time here. To put it plainly, It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid of making mistakes or doing things which could be taken the wrong way for I know if I do I have heavy judgement coming my way. Talk spreads quickly around here because of how small the community is, you never really know who to trust. At the end of the day, it's just a game to me and I appreciate some people take it seriously but I am not one of those people. I say what I wish to and act how I see fit as I prefer to be genuine rather than just another record playing on repeat.

Brawl: To be honest my love for playing Brawl died with Survival Games and Skywars. As you all know I applied for Skywars JMOD because a month or two before hand SG and SGG were both shut down never to see the light again. I stay purely because of the community and how positive they are as a whole. Yes, there are the toxic parts but it's laughing and talking to the community both in-game and on ts that is what I think I'll miss the most. I do enjoy KitPVP but a lot of the people that played who I was close with have moved on, and I guess it's time for me to join them. After SG and SW went down I didn't really know where to fit in. I didn't enjoy soup or potion based pvp due to the fact that I am not that kind of player. It's a pretty awkward position I'll tell you that much. I guess I just lost interest and haven't regained it since.

Life: School. Hobbies. Friends. Family. Love life. 'Nuf said.

Now to conclude my resignation I only have one thing to say. I truly am thankful for being allowed the opportunity to be a part of the community and to moderate in hopes that I may have some sort of a positive impact on a few people. Now to tags:

@ExpertZJP – Welp.. All I can say is that you're absolute trash and that I hate you so f… Jkjk. Or am I.? It really has been a roller coaster ride these past 2 years but my goodness has it been great. I've had some of the best parts of my Minecraft 'phase' playing alongside you. These are memories I know will stick with me through everything I do in future. You've taught me to be a good person and helped me with my issues as well as my social anxiety. I remember before applying I was too afraid to talk on ts, would continuously mute myself and have panic attacks frequently, but you helped me overcome this and become the person I am today. I honestly can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me as a whole. I still remember so clearly the first time we ever spoke in an SG game. It was so incredibly awkward but worth it of course. From then on we were pretty much inseparable, so much so people were convinced we were either siblings, dating or the same person! We've definitely had our ups and downs but at the end of the day, I know we can both laugh it off and go back to being as close as ever. I honestly don't think I'd still be here both on Brawl and physically if it wasn't for you and for that I'm forever grateful for the positive impact you've had on my life. I'm absolutely awful at writing down my thought and emotions as well as in general (probably why I never wrote a decent thread as a staff member,) but I just hope you know how much you mean to me. I will continue to spam your Snapchat at 4am in the morning don't you worry about that, and I know even though this may be the end of our Brawl moderating experience, we will keep in contact and continue to laugh, cry and host roasting sessions together as the dynamic duo we are till you get sick of me. Love you Experticious, always my #1 lard.

http://m.imgur.com/qUSRMAl

@WarSkater – Ello c: Would you look at that. This time last year you joined a channel with me the same day I got Trial JMOD and told me I didn't know how to do my job. I'm so glad I gave you a second chance to not be a complete a-hole. We've known each other for a long time now and I can't say I regret a single second of it. We've definitely had our ups and downs as well as extended periods of time where we'd stop talking altogether, but I can safely say you've definitely had a massive impact on my life. I'll stick around to annoy you and one day beat you in a 1v1, just you wait!

@0racle – I wrote you an entire paragraph which I told you already. Unfortunately I don't know whether it's appropriate to include. A lot of the things I wrote no longer apply. I just wanted to say I am sorry. I may be angry about things but I'll get over it just as you will. After all, I just want you to be happy even if that happiness no longer includes me. Stay safe and I hope everything goes well for you since I know you're going through a lot right now but it gets better. I still believe in you, always have and always will and if you ever need someone to talk to I'll try to be there because I feel as though I owe you big time. All good things must come to an end and for us this is the inevitable 'The End' as they say but things only go up from here, I promise.

@Canoodle – I just wanted to say I've had the utmost respect for you ever since the beginning. I still remember where you joined the channel I was in randomly shortly after I applied and said 'Oh hey! You're the applicant.' I really appreciate all you did for me such as answering question after question and not getting sick of it as well as just listening to everything I said and cared. I'll definitely miss talking to you on Teamspeak as well as on Slack.

@LegitMonkeyftw – Well we've definitely been through a lot, you and I, but I have never met someone more caring and selfless than you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you to be honest. We've been friends for over 2 years now and it's been great. I look up to you just because through everything you go through on a daily basis you still stay up to check I'm okay and put in so much effort to get me to smile. I appreciate all the memes through Snapchat and all the Skype calls even the ones that are a little awkward just because I'm awkward af. In all honesty I don't think I enjoy anybody else's company more than yours. SG buddies till the end NotMonkey (monkey emoji.) Speaking of calls, you have the voice of an angel:

❤️

@Substantiated – You're funny.. Stay dank weirdo. Don't forget about me, okay?
@Piky – You're honestly one of the nicest people I've met here. Never change, we all love you for who you are.
@Soaur – We need to talk more you :c. Lazzylouise = The real Lozzy. I will beat you in a 1v1 one day but today is obviously not the day.
@Lord_Roke – Sorry for being so difficult and for letting you down. You're doing a really good job of keeping the forums clean and the staff team in check.
@SweetLava – Where did you go!? Miss the old days. :c ❤️

(Tell me if I've missed anyone.)

@SG players – I miss you guys all so much but unfortunately, we lost our battle and I let you all down in the process. Being known as the voice and given the responsibility of getting Survival Games back is a promise I failed to keep. SG may never see the light again however I will always remember all the people I met along the way because we were more than just random players, we were a family and family sticks together. My love for Brawl died with SG so in memory of those amazing 2 years I did have a video however it corrupted during the rendering process and crashed my PC resulting in the loss of the entire clip, but I do have pictures:

Spoiler: SG player

@harvey611 @F_A_B @F_L_Y @Malgac @Hugmaster @xWaveDog @G4xinx @JesperAarne @Brogster @Monster0hTwo @LasUnkas @ExpertZJP @Eightblocker @xblbmg @BDmcraft @LegitMonkeyftw @awesomeleopards @gamingnerd13 @awesomezman3 @vvbs @Diamonderliker @Spartandog123 @Anise @SweetLava @nightwolf146 @Lazyspud @abdu2001 @Pixalgirlgaming @Kitty_Cath @JACOBDAPANDA @PastelFresh @hello_kitty09 @CraftingBlocks @theo_minecraft @Mr_Potato_347 @BlackIce__ @Andrwe @TheZombieBite @Smileyinator @skyee @Aj101700 @Vinamae @Alphalesbian @Macaronpiie @arre7 @Arrre @EnderCraft2004 @Alexgamer2007 @Sophie1007 @MagnaCarter @JenniferQ @djJorj @FrancisJohn26 @flashy7 @SupItzJulia @Jonelia @Blank__ @Algelier @Draganov @kraftdragaren @GoingCoen @ArrowHare @Tonysony @bscherrer @BradinoB @Luketehpanda @LillyWaterGodess @Buzzy357 @tohrusomaj @Steakdestroyer12 @Steakdetroyer13 @DJEnder120 @Dsanders1234567890 @Alakazam @Unenchanted @Atavia_A50 @xXxCrypticxXx @xGoddessx @Shasta_Bunnies @GoldenBlockHead @Alkatraz_5422 @EAOLOF @barbedcoast @TJShake @BettyTheVaporeon @beans4jeans @ButterTiger25 @Dalinarkohlin @PixelatedGamerYT @Wildmantay123 @armorgs @RawrTasticDino @TaeborTot @Java_Noodle @sixthcentaur5 @Chaos_Overseer The list goes on…

@StaffTeam – I know I say this on every resignation but it's true. It was truly an honour to moderate alongside every single one of you. You're all doing an AMAZING job and I can honestly say I'm going to miss getting on ts and laughing with you guys. Although some of us may have disagreed or reached a rough point I still appreciate everything you do. Keep up the good work because you're what has kept Brawl alive for this long. Thank you for allowing me this experience.

@Brawl – Thanks for putting up with me for this long!


Welp, I guess that's that.

Lousy-