Story TROGGO: Episode I The Case of the Dead Server

Summary: Andrew Troggo, with the aid of the renowned geophysicist (and irrepressible talker) Dr. Jacob Chaos, Christian fundamentalist & Lieutenant Cameron Beam, and a bloke named Tom, tackles the most dire and pressing of mysteries that come before him. In this episode, Troggo and his companions take on the greatest mysteries of all - the murder of the Hardcore Games - the Dead Server. You'll be on the edge of your seat as the four take on lag, empty server lobbies, and incredibly bad game design in a pulse pounding search for the truth

why did HG die?

Let us begin...

Inspector Andrew Troggo, of brawlville.slack.com opened his Minecraft launcher and punched in the code. The login, taking forever as it usually did, went through, much to Troggo's relief. The real test, however, would come when he opened the server list. Lately, Troggo had had some trouble connecting to the server. The server, of course, pertained to Brawl as that was where he was employed. Whatever went on in its domain was his buisness, most of it that is, and he logged in daily to ensure that things were kept in due order. After all, on a server that catered primarily to young adolescents, chaos was bound to break out especially if only the junior staff were around.

Troggo was fortunate. Within seconds he was online and in the Brawl lobby. The lobby was an enormous place, and a rather extravagant one to boot. No expense was spared furnishing it. Massive stone columns lined both sides of the lobby, with an impressive (not to mention lag inducing) spire of multicolored bullsh*t at the head, towering over the columns like a giant over a dwarf. In each of the columns was a swirling purple essence called a portal. The portal would take one wherever they would, as each portal was directed to a specific server. Troggo being thorough, as was his nature, always checked every portal. It was part of his job.

But what portal to check first? Troggo glanced about him before he made his decision. Today he would start with a different server than usual. A much different server than usual. Today, Troggo would begin with the Hardcore Games. Troggo barely took a step towards the portal before he was hit with a barrage of messages, threats, and friend requests from people he'd never heard of including a certain joeymast99 who was upset that he'd denied itzYaBoiDRONE's jmod app.

This sudden onset of junk would have overwhelmed the inexperienced staff member. But Troggo had been around for some time and had gotten used to it by now. It was another part of the daily grind. Complaints, threats, and random friend requests from tryhards and hackers, yes he'd seen it all. Troggo glanced irritably at the screen as he repeatedly typed /ignore /kick and /ban into the chat. What a nuisance, he thought.

Several minutes and a few drinks later Troggo banned his last philistine (an alt of the legend Onise) and got on with his rounds. His pixelated character entered the HG portal and Troggo kicked back and waited for his 'economy internet' to load yet another lobby.

He wasn't expecting what came next.

...

"Dead?" Troggo asked, surprise creeping into his voice, "You mean that?"

"Yes I do sir." Lieutenant Beam, the officer on call, said "No one plays on this server anymore. It's dead. I'm as sure of it as I am my faith in Jesus."

Troggo shook his head. He couldn't believe it. Yet here he was, standing in the middle of HG's lobby with no players online. No one online other than him and Lieutenant Beam. Not even in the surrounding woodlands. How was this possible? he thought, worriedly. He hadn't been on HG in some time but he hadn't expected this. Surely it couldn't have died that quickly...

"How long has it been dead?" he asked, reaching into his overcoat for his notepad and pen. Every detail, every word, must be recorded.

"Since man killed off the Dinosaurs." Lieutenant Beam said solemnly.

Troggo sighed in annoyance, not more of this religious stuff. "Come on Cameron. When was the last time you saw someone online?"

Lieutenant Beam frowned and thought on this. After a minute of silence he replied, "I saw Dave and Sam on a few hours ago."

Troggo scribbled this on his notepad and pressed on, "Do you know what they were doing?"

"Yes."

"What were they doing?"

"They were playing HG."

"With only two players?"

Lieutenant Beam shook his head, "There were others." he said softly, "I didn't recognize them. But God did. He has True Vision."

"I see..." Troggo said, writing that down too - except the bit about God and 'True Vision' - and continued. "How many people were online at that time, when the game was going on?"

"Six." Lieutenant Beam said, "There were six of them."

Troggo smiled at this. Six players. Easy enough to track down. But who left last? That was the pivotal question. Who killed off HG? With that question answered, he would have his culprit and the case closed.

"Do you remember who was last online?" he asked.

"Jesus." Lieutenant Beam said simply.

"Cameron..."

"He is everywhere"

"I know He is, but He's not on Brawl." Troggo said, fighting to keep the impatience out of his tone, "And, according to the logs," he pulled out a weathered 3-ring binder known as The Log, "Jesus was not here."

"But He is here." Lieutenant Beam said, with such conviction that made Troggo feel not a little unnerved, "Even now... our Savior awaits."

"Cameron, this is an investigation" Troggo reminded him, "and in investigations I need hard facts. Evidence. Times. Places. Locations. Jesus may be here in spirit but not in person. And I need to know who was here last, before HG died. Can you tell me?"

Lieutenant Beam shook his head and, to Troggo's great relief, spared him the sermon "No, I can't."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Troggo said, tipping his hat. And with that he re-entered the portal and left the server, leaving Beam to his own devices.

...

"It says here that you two," Troggo said, frowning at the teenage boys lollygagging on the couch in front of him, "were the last online. Can you confirm that?"

The first boy, a bright, brown eyed youth with a mess of brown hair named Matt Versions threw back his head and laughed, "Me? On HG? Why would I play on a dead server? XDDDD"

"Yeah, why would we play on DeadServer? lol XD XD" his friend and full time troll Dave Thompson said, joining in the mirth.

"XD"

"XDDDDDD"

"Shut up Dave." one of the secret eu players said.

"Agreed!" said many of those in attendance.

Dave opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. A tall, brown haired figure with a tired face and absolutely no personality had already volunteered to speak for him,

"secreteuplayerv1, your message (Shut up Dave) violates our server rules. Your comment contains inappropriate language for our members. Please keep in mind that people of all ages visit our community, and we want them to have a pleasant environment when meme'ing. Your message may have been removed or altered.

Your account's access may be limited based on these actions. Please keep this in mind when posting or using our site. You can access our forum’s rules here.

Thanks,

Chief Inspector Roke
Brawl Staff Team"

and with that Roke was gone as quickly as he came, his black trench-coat causing a slight breeze in his wake.

"Haha, rekt." Dave said to secreteuplayerv1, once Roke was out of earshot. "I told you HG was a dead server!"

"Hey Dave."

"Hey Matt."

"HG should get updated." Matt said.

Dave smirked at this, "Ya it should, if there was anything to update XD"

"You know why there's nothing to update?" Matt asked.

"Because it's dead."

"I know."

"XD"

"XDDDDDDDD"

The boy to Dave's right, a certain Sam McHugh, was immediately triggered by this and flew into a rage. "HG is NOT dead!" he screamed, "I'm SICK AND TIRED of you calling it dead! Dead this, dead that! All you do is make stupid memes about HG AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

and with that Sam, his face red and his blue eyes burning like hellfire, launched himself at Dave in an attempt to throttle him

"HG. IS. NOT. DEAD!" he screamed as he grabbed Dave's shoulders and shook him violently

Dave cried out and three junior officers closed in on the pair and dragged Sam, still kicking and screaming, off of Dave and out of the room. As the doors closed Sam could be heard to say,

"There were twenty players online earlier today!"

This claim caused much murmuring among the group. It especially piqued the curiosity of Calvin Munson, a thin, older bloke with shaggy blond hair and a reputation as a straight talker. "Is that true? Were there really twenty people online on HG?" he asked, turning to Troggo.

Troggo glanced at the logs and nodded, "Yes, for five minutes."

Munson chuckled at this, "Yeah that sounds about right."

Troggo frowned. Why did that sound 'about right'? He knew Munson was joking, as he had a tendency to do, but his remark was clearly angled towards sarcasm rather than hyperbole. And as Troggo knew from his many years of socializing, hyperbole exaggerated the truth, sarcasm made fun of it. Had HG been in trouble for some time? He'd been so sure everything was fine, up until recently that is. But now doubt was creeping into his mind. A dead server was lying on the landscape of Brawl and he had ignored the warning signs. The low player-count, the memes, the lack of forums posts. Troggo sighed in anguish I should have been watching more carefully...

But someone was responsible for its death. And they would be brought to justice

-Continued in Episode II-

Characters in this series (including Episode I):

@Trogy (as Inspector Andreas Troggo)
@Proterozoic (as Dr. Jacob Chaos)
@Gehenna_Beam (as Lieutenant Cameron Beam)
@SoCool21 (as a bloke named Tom)
@randomcitizen1 (as Ronald Gregerson)
@Versions (as Matt Versions)
@GoToBed (as Dave Thompson)
@HGStaff (as Sam McHugh)
@Lord_Roke (as Chief Inspector Roke)
@chickenputty (as Superintendent Putty)
and me (as Calvin Munson)