How to: Get Staff

Did you know that over 95% staff apps on Brawl are denied? 3,537 apps to be exact. That's more L's than RiceGum took in Content Cop: Jake Paul

But why? To diagnose this problem I have divided the denied applications into three main categories:

1. The "I just joined forums to apply for mod" application

Most denied apps are these. Sad applications from tween kids with an attention span of a gnat who have a shrine to Tom's forehead on their wall (because Mods = Gods). They tend to be denied within 48 hours and the applicant, whoever they are, is never heard from again.

2. The "I'm sort of qualified but not really" application

Some applicants fulfill most the requirements, those being: in game activity, forums activity, and derping on TS because you have to XD LUL. But they don't quite meet them all. Maturity is a big one. Personally I was denied for my dank memes maturity four times so if immaturity got you down, trust me, I know how you feel. The other is if Roke is in a bad mood and feels like making sh*t up to deny you

Known Rokisms: "We do not feel you are ready quite yet", "you are not quite ready yet", "thank you for your application" (he's not actually thanking you), "unfortunately", "work on TS activity" (this means he doesn't like you) "your message ____ violates the forum rules", and "Denied"

In short Roke is a deny bot who feasts off of the apps of others to satisfy his Jesus complex.

3. The "I'm a piece of sh*t but I act nice to get mod" application

And finally we have the third category of denied applicants. The secret scumbags. The deceptive douches. The Light Yagamis of applications. People who pretend to be more mature than they are to get the rank -- also known as Xavier1974 clones.

We have all met these people before. You may have encountered them by the fruitstand at the supermarket. Or perhaps you saw them at the theatre. At first they seem nice and want to be your friend. Then its tomatoes from the garden. And before you know it you're working as their butler while they're making a fat paycheck doing the job you used to have.

These are dangerous people. They will do, say, or make anything to become staff. It is like their Moby to our Dick. The top of Everest, the ultimate goal.

Thankfully most secret scumbags are very bad at pretending to be a normal human being. However some are better at it than others and will go out of their way to mask their real personality, and intentions. That is why Brawl employs a round the clock team of micromanagers consisting of Roke, Roke, and Roke to detect any secret scumbags and deny them before the ultimate meme 30 day deadline is up.

However if you are particularly concerned about these apps, please call 1-800-TRYHARD for more info.

and that brings me to the section of this post which I, because I have literally nothing better to do, have chosen to write.

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How to Get Staff

6 easy steps

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Step 1: Be yourself. Whether you're super nice or the scummiest person on Earth someone out there is going to respect you because you're not afraid to be who you are. So if you're nice, then let that rainbow shine and go the way of the @Piky. And if you're a douchebag? Be a douchebag. But don't expect to be accepted XD LUL.

Step 2: Don't lie. There is nothing more annoying than when someone lies on their application. Like, rly n!gga? We all know you're not 6 ft. 4. And you're almost certainly not black. Be honest. Chances are you're a sweaty teenage f*ckboi who's still fascinated by Bloons Tower Defense and thinks "Allah Ahkbar!" is funny

But that's OK. When I was your age (I am 20 so I get to say this) I listened to Jason Derulo and once shouted "Shawty burning fiya on the dance floor" in the middle of a particularly boring Biology lecture. See how I was honest there? If I can do it you can too.

Speaking of honesty, if you're applying for the rank say you are. Don't make me read endless paragraphs of fragment littered bs about how "Brawl is my home" or "yeah I said I was leaving for good last time but the power of the pink tag War 2.0 made me want to come back and 'manage' War again!"

Step 3: Don't hack. You have no idea how many people have messed this up.

Step 4: Do not suddenly post a bunch of EPIC idea threads or whatever when you were making memes and spamming Putty's profile two days earlier. Staff want consistency.

Step 5: AFK on TS. There's always a chance Roke will troll you about it. Plus you "need" it for the interview, in the event that Discord, Skype, and Friendster cease to exist. And you never know, someone may drop by and send you a screamer for the lols when you're feeling lonely.

#TrashTs3 #DicksOutForDiscord

And finally we have Step 6. And arguably the most important step in the series,

Actually play on Brawl.

Thank you for reading. Best of luck,

-Admiral