My 400th Year Anniversary on CTF!

I - I dunno where to begin... Confound it all where are my phaser beam glasses? Good, good, good found them right under my organically powered strobe lights! Dog sh*t I tell you, I've collected enough of it over the years to avoid paying the power company another bill for the rest of my life!

Where was I? Ah yes now I remember. Now sit down dear reader and I shall tell you my tale,

It occurred to me one evening when Marty and I were in the shop working on this new AI for my can opener... why not make a time machine? After all, I wasn't getting any younger, I was seventy seven at the time! Oh and Marty... he was getting older himself, already dating girls too! Poor Marty, he was always a bit too reckless for a McFly in my opinion.

Plus this new generation, I must say they certainly didn't turn out as well as I would hope. No interest in science or creating things, only with playing on their silly devices! Aaaah, the humanity!

Well, I thought to myself where should I begin? I already knew of Leonardo DaVinci's failed attempt to make such a machine back in the sixteenth century! Clearly that was not the route I needed to go to build the time machine. Yes I spent many nights staying up past any decent hour perusing H.G. Wells and the great authors of the Victorian Age but to no avail, I did not have either the gumption or the quartz to build what they had devised. I needed something better, something bigger.

Then Marty mentioned it one day while we were talking about the latest nuclear crisis in Russia... plutonium!

Yes it only made sense! Plutonium, a unstable non-natural radioactive substance would be the only thing that could reliably generate the 1.2 gigawatts of power I needed for my machine to truly travel back to the past. Of course, I could have attempted to harness Zeus' great power with a lightning rod but I never fancied chasing the weather, especially dangerous storms in my only DeLorean! I paid good money for that car after all...

But where could I attain the plutonium I needed for such a venture? As it happened, my neighbor a young man by the name of Habib happened to be a terrorist and as such I struck a deal with him. I would get the 2 pounds 12 ounces of plutonium I needed in exchange for the promise of making his Libyan Liberation Front a bomb. But, naturally I had no interest in such a venture. It would take far too long to make a bomb anyway and my facilities were not nearly up to the task! And what if Marty found out? Ah yes Marty, Marty, Marty... a good man but with a mouth that could swallow the Titanic!

To my suprise my invention worked! Who would have thought one could make a time machine out of a DeLorean? Certainly not I, but I did! One trip backwards or forwards in time for the bargain price of 2 ounces of plutonium! Enough for over two dozen trips, quite a success if I do say so myself.

But unfortunately after many trips back in time to the days of the Mongols to the Stone Age I must confess I have had enough of the past. It has been 400 years for Marty and I in 1985 and now it is the time I think, to cease this endless exploration into the days of our ancestors.

Yes, as I told Marty one summer afternoon we've got to do something about his kids before they end up as materialistic and zombified as that horrible woman in the Sleep Country television commercials!

It is time, to go back to the future! To 2015!

Yours truly,

-Doc Brown

(happy anniversary everyone and #bandwagon yo)

@BAWSS5
@IStandWithParis

 

I will now go into my default response to people who use offensive language online:

Does your mother know you're saying things like that?

 

My default response to @Sir_Inge:

You're salty.