Book The End Between Us, A Politically Correct Chapter 5:

Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4 are right there. Go ahead and click on the orange underlined thingys for a magical journey to an old webpage. Enjoy!

Permission to write the fifth chapter of this story was given by @_featherpaw_. No rights reserved on my part.

"Okay everybody let's get moving!" Oracle said, as he turned and sadistically beat the sh*t out of a noncompliant magma MINION (TM). Normally this would have caused a great deal of shock and anger about Oracle's lack of concern about said MINION (TM) but we were characters in a video game and acts of sadism were entertainment. Playing Minecraft was way better than attending Sunday school!

"Oracle you know you sound like my mom right?" I said.

Oracle glared at me. "That's not funny. You wanna step outside and say that randyMcScrubass?"

I lol'ed at this. randyMcScrubass? What a terrible insult. For one thing, what even is a 'randy'? I could only imagine. Something along the lines of 'philistine' would have been more appropriate. But I did not think now was the proper time to correct him on his verbiage. Oracle had never possessed a particularly good vocabulary. "Say what?" I asked once the lol'ing was over.

"That I sound like your mom."

"But you do."

"That's enough!" Oracle screamed, his face turning the color of Aunt Martha's petunias, "I expect you to get moving in five minutes. If you delay a second later I'll make you move!"

"Oh? Are you going to fart on me?" I had learned long ago that a particularly smelly fart would get anyone moving. This knowledge had been particularly helpful when I rescued Goldilocks from seven very ugly fat men. One whiff of some Texas beans was all it took to break her out of that spell! But I digress, I very much doubted Oracle could fart on anything and keep his much prized dignity intact so I figured taunting him was worth the risk.

If it was possible, and apparently it was, Oracle's face turned an even deeper shade of hue and his voice rose a whole chorus, "ENOUGH!" he howled, loud enough to wake a Snorlax, "I lost my stuff! As did many others. We must get it back!"

"Hey don't be so salty about it man. It's not like you lost a vibrator or anything." I giggle at my own 6th grade humor. It was almost as good as the time when I shouted "F*CK EM RIGHT IN THE P*SSY!" when my 9th grade history teacher asked how we would deal with an intruder on school premises.

Oracle ignored me, "I lost some very valuable armor as well as my custom made, red, white, and blue Nike (TM) tennis shoes. And it's all the fault of these f*cking MINIONS (TM)!" he paused to beat the sh*t out of another unfortunate minion before he returned his attentions to our group. "

"Hey guys I've got a great idea." an angsty voice piped up. I turned to see that the speaker was none other than Eil. He was a dark haired little man with a missing tooth and a bottle of denatured ethanol strapped to his chest, as it always was. Normally he would not have been allowed such drink as he was underage and didn't handle the stuff well but in the realm of Minecraftia the laws of Earth were, like our parents, a minor concern.

"What's your idea Eil?" asked Lozzy Louise, a gorgeous little thing who loved to facilitate discussion. I glance over her chest and sigh at what could have been. If only she was busty... but alas my raging hormones were not inclined to put the moves on her because of this unfortunate deficiency.

SIDENOTE TO READER: To avoid any claims of sexism I understand, love, and cherish all women regardless of their level of bustiness. I think women were the greatest thing to ever happen to this world with the exception of Hillary Clinton and men, who are, of course, their equals.

"Hey! What about my stuff?" Oracle exclaimed, aghast at having lost control over the conversation.

"Who cares." Ping Woo said. He could get away with this disrespect. He was Ping of the Woo Family of China's Song Dyanasty after all, a great family of Chinese warlords who fought the Mongols for half a century until they were betrayed by Benedict Arnold. The Great Ping, however, was a savior who would, it was foretold, one day return to China and restore the great dynasty and throw out the communist government which is actually capitalist. He was a member of both Raid teams because no one was powerful enough to stop him changing sides when he felt like it. "Go on Eil."

"My idea," Eil said, with a great deal of flourish, "is to rename our team."

FULL DISCLOSURE: The author does not actually know the name of Oracle's team because he didn't give enough f*cks to go find it.

"OOOOH! Like what Eil?" Lozzy asked, her breasts bouncing up and down in her excitement.

Eil gave one of his simpering little smiles that really made me want to punch him in the face, "Well, I was thinking of something like Team AWESOME! Because we're AWESOME!"

"Oh my." Lozzy said, "What a great name Eil! Our motto could be like, like... 'everything is awesome'!"

Galaxy rolled his eyes at this, "I swear you're both retarded."

Oh no. Oh hell no. That was so not cool. "Hey Galaxy!" I yelled, jumping up and taking control of the situation like Captain America in The Avengers "Spread the word to end the word!"

"Lolwut. Wtf is that."

"I'll show you." I said, pulling out my 'practice what you preach' sticky note and brochure, "I have a best friend named Nick. He also happens to be my little brother. He caught an infection in the hospital when he was born that caused severe brain damage. He can't talk or walk. But what he can do, is amazing. He can make anyone smile and laugh without saying a word. He has been through so so much in his life. So many surgeries, sicknesses, so much pain. But my beautiful brother ALWAYS has a smile on his face. His laugh is absolutely infectious. You cannot meet Nick and not fall in love. He's like Barney on steroids. Its amazing how he can turn anyone's bad day into smiles and laughter. Since the day my parents brought him home from the hospital, him and I have had a special bond and almost 30 years later, that bond is just as strong. The R word hurts. Not only does it hurt the person with special needs, but everyone that loves that person hurts from it as well. All parents need to teach their kids from the start that its NEVER ok to call someone the R word. I love you Nicholas. You're my hero and BFF."

SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD!

~THE END~
@0racle
@Eil
@Lozzylouise
@AnonymousGalaxy
@Speedcell
@SillyPickles
@PingWoo
@Colonel_Graff
@LegitMonkeyftw
@DemonicObelisk
@343weapon​