Bring Back the Love in CTF

When I was four years old - way back when in 2002 - I used to watch Barney. Now I thank god every day that the show has been banished back to Satan's television studio from whence it came. I also used to watch Teletubbies (a.k.a. that show with the weird babies in pajamas and the vacuum cleaner Mr. Nunu). These are both shows that as many of you know are works of Satan that prey off of the impressionable innocent minds of really young children.

You might be wondering what in the hell was I doing watching those shows at a young impressionable age and to be honest with you I have no idea either although obviously I had some problems. As for the shows I'm pretty sure they have scarred me in ways that I cannot even imagine - but that is besides the point.

Allow me make this perfectly clear before I continue, that this thread is not about Barney. It is not about Teletubbies either (thank god). This thread is a rebuke of the insinuation that killing, random or targeted, has a place in this game that hclewk built. As for how this thread relates to those shows it is because of the themes that started them are embedded in the heart of CTF, and that is love.

I recently heard a very good song by Haddaway called "What is Love?" That's a good question, what is love?

Love is that word my mom thinks I don't associate with her. Love is the theme that turns people into romantics, JELL-O into pudding, and that thing the actors in the Young in the Restless are always going on about. But most of all, love is embedded in consideration. For example, you know a girl likes you when she not only says she likes your shoes - at the most awkward time possible during class - but holds the door for you when class ends. (Pro tip: wear Addidas shoes, trust me, women love them some Addidas)

In CTF love is a <3 in chat. It is embedded in the word 'bae'. Love is that rare moment when you get head shotted by some dude in CTF and they apologize for it without your asking.

However, some people seem to be under the impression that CTF is about killing. Yeah! You know, killing, also including death, gore, PvP, hot-keying, instant kills. Man things!

Unfortunately this terrifying impression seems to deviate from the fact that CTF is full of weapons and actively encourages killing other people through headshots, bowspam, poking others very hard in uncomfortable places, or lighting them on fire.

For our story today our special and entirely unwitting correspondent @Cher_ reports:

Personally, I find this assumption not only ridiculous, and offensive but also oppressive. When people tell me CTF is about killing I want to cry "HEATHENS!!"

!%$@^#R@#$**@ HEATHENS!

But the frightening thing is that people are not only killing others in this game-mode but they are talking about it in a casual tone! How can you do that? These are people's lives you are RUINING when you kill them! I mean honestly, think of the children, the next time you say that

As one wise person once said a long time ago,"violence is not the answer"
While this phrase is slightly cliche I don't know why people say that CTF is about killing or should have so much killing in it. Violence just breeds more violence just like how hatred breeds hatred. Studies have shown that violent video games have led to more aggressive tendencies in people. I can attest to this. Yesterday I actually kicked over my neighbor's trash can after my mom kicked me off CTF and told me to go outside.

I know some of you will think that was a pretty irrelevant analogy. Perhaps I kicked over the trashcan because I am a gangster or because my neighbor deserved it. Actually, while both of these things happen to be true I felt like I was being controlled by some invisible force, that something was whispering in my ear:

kick the trashcan Ian.

On the forums that might sound as corny as the recently released (and remade) Poltergiest but I can tell you, you had to be there to experience the inexplicable rage I was feeling at that trash can.

Nevertheless, I believe that playing too much CTF and consistently getting headshotted by Archers for four hours straight caused my rage to build up, culminating in me violating my neighbor's trash. I believe that the killing got to my head and entwined with the raging river of testosterone up there to turn me into something I am not.

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had those moments when you just want to throw or worse, hit something because of people who think its their life's mission to headshot as many players as possible in CTF? I have, and I can tell you, the rage is real.

Because of this, among other reasons, I believe that just like how most Adam Sandler movies would be a lot better without Adam Sandler, CTF would be a lot better without players constantly killing or trying to kill each other. Why should killing even be a integral part of this game anyway?

Just like the Peoples La-La Land of North Korea, CTF is a great game by its very design. CTF is fun because hardly anything - except perhaps a bong hit and watching Mission Impossible: Rouge Nation (or Mad Max: Fury Road) - can offer a better experience, a better feeling of achievement and belonging than winning the game against the other team.

The insinuation that CTF is about killing ignores the entire point of the game, which is to Capture the Flag! I don't care how many kills you have if I capture more flags than you at the end of the day then I win and you can go back to maining Barbarian on HG for all I care. But the point is, we should be encouraging objective gameplay here, not random murder of other players! That is not who we should define ourselves to be as CTF'ers.

However the other problem with the assumption that CTF is about kills is that it is a socialist (satanist) one.

Yes I know I've been over this before but honestly look around you, socialism is everywhere! It is trampling on our personal freedoms that made this country great! I swear if it weren't for Donald Trump (a.k.a. The Donald) I don't even know where this country would be. For all I know, we'd probably all be stuck knitting socks for the Socialist school of Sissies if we had gone the same way Russia did.

But I digress, the fact is the assumption that CTF is and should be about killing puts everyone on the same level and forces them to do more or less the same thing in game.

Now some of you might not see the connection but that is frickin' bull-cookies Communism! Maybe I don't want to kill people? Maybe I am the kind of person who walks into a CTF game and just wants to give everyone a hug because their skins are so pretty? But the current design of CTF does not allow for personal freedoms, rather it suffocates everyone under the barbaric assumption that kills and death and gore should rule the game and our minds - and in the great words of John McNamara:

That is wrong!

I say to you today, that I envision a CTF that allows for everyone to make their own choices to create a productive society. In the eternal words of Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have a dream that one day a Mage and a Medic may work together to bring peace to CTF. I have a dream that we will not be trying to poke each other with swords but that we may work together in solace and happiness!"

I envision what Former U.S. President Lyndon Johnson called: "The Great CTF"

Before you discredit this post immediately and go back to playing Archer I want you to open your mind and think, think of the possibilities. No more killing, and peace, love and happiness may rule the land of Mordor once more!

After all, is that not the reason why Peter Jackson made SIX frickin' movies (yes the Hobbit does count) about? Stopping the violence and bringing peace to a great world, shrouded in darkness again so that way Bilbo and Frodo can live happily ever after and Sir Ian McKellen (Gandalf) gets to say some epic line for a salary bonus?

The idea that spawned CTF was that of people having fun together and making things happen, together - just like media does with Kim Kardashian and the internet. It was the same idea that spawned Barney and Teletubbies but like both of those TV 'shows' CTF has strayed from the path of the light.

So how can we return to the origins of love and creativity that made this game great you may ask? Easy,

First we must stop the random killing that has turned this game from what it once was into something that servers seem so salty about that they continually refuse to update it.

Therefore I give to you I give to you a recreation of a proposal I started long ago in my younger days called Capture the Flowers (CTF - see what I did there? I'm so clwver ).

How this works:

Weapons no longer deal damage in CTF but heal others. Why? Because there is no room for pain and suffering in a game about love!
Add a command called /hug which will allow you to give another player a hug in order to encourage love.
Replace the ugly banners with three flowers. Whoever captures the flowers first wins the game!
Before each match a custom map loads with lots and lots of beautiful flowers and whichever side captures the most before the game starts gets a 1 flower bonus!
Add an official CTF happy hour. Why? Because there's nothing better than kicking a few drinks back with my 'friends' way late at night before a big test. It's pretty therapeutic to be honest.

Some may not like these proposals. Let me ask you this, do you dislike friendship? Do you like being headshot? Do you like feeling worthless because your killstreak wasn't long enough? Do you like Socialism?

Probably not.

But do you like friendship? Do you like to party? Do you get chills whenever Morgan Freeman appears on screen?

I know I do.

Thank you for your time and careful consideration. Peace,

-Admiral

@Birdgirl
@obikenobi21
@Shawn_
@AriesRam10
@LordCh4os

 

You got me man <3